When I talked to President a few weeks ago about how I wanted to finish my mission I told him that I wanted a challenge. I am here to tell you all, I received my challenge. I love training but I definitely have a great task set out for me the next 5 weeks. I feel more fired up than ever and am ready to just go out and convert the world...starting with my companion.
It has been interesting training again. I now know that I never learned real Spanish because I can hardly understand my companion and she understands me even less, the mission life is so natural for me now that I forget that some people don´t just know and live all the rules, and more than anything I have realized just how much I have changed in the past 16 months. Hermana Landaverde is wonderful and really likes to participate in the lessons which is a blessing. However, I have felt ever since she arrived that there is something missing. She doesn´t like to obey any rule (sleeps in late and doesn´t study, etc), won´t carry her scriptures to lessons, has openly admitted she hates the people here and does not want to be anything like them, and on her first day told me that she planned on going home early. I remember having some similar feelings at the beginning of my mission so I decided to just try and love her and give the example of obedience and love. Each night I write her a note saying what she did great during the day, I do my best to listen about how much better El Salvador is than the Dominican Republic, I tell her good morning each day at 6:30 and then let her sleep, and so on and so forth.
Yesterday we had an amazing zone conference with President and Hermana Douglas. The theme was Doctrine and Covenants 4 which is our guide as missionaries. They had me recite it by memory for the 100 or so missionaries there. Then we talked for several hours about how to truly serve the Lord with all of our heart, might, mind, and strength. It really motivated me again to be able to finish strong. At the end I was able to bear my testimony since I will be leaving this transfer. I tried to testify directly to my companion about how the mission can change you and how you will develop a love so large and encompassing for every person you meet. When we returned home and were preparing to leave after this really spiritual morning my companion commented once more just how much she hates the people here. I told her that she could love them if she wanted to. To this she responded, "I have no desire to do that." In that moment what I like to call my righteous indignancy came out. After a week of telling her nicely and listening to her bash these people who have come to be like family to me I said, "Why did you even come here? If you don´t feel the desire to love and serve then why are you a missionary? If you love the Lord then you do what He requires. Honestly it hurts me when you bash everything constantly. I am not Dominican but I love the Dominicans. It is a crazy place but I love it. How would you feel if I went to your house and started telling you that everything sucks? That your family is weird and the way you talk is stupid and that I hate everything there? If you just came here to miss El Salvador for 18 months then you are wasting your time. IF you only came here to judge these people and don´t even have the desire to love them then it would be better that you go home. I want to help you. I want to train you. you have great potential as a missionary but if you don´t have the desire to do anything then I can´t help you. I can´t give you desire. I beg you to change your attitude. All I ask is that you give it a chance because I love these people and this area and have worked too hard to watch it all fall and that is what will happen if you don´t start obeying and acting like a missionary. I care about you a lot. I´m here to help you but until you change your attitude there is nothing I can do and you will just keep suffering through each day."
She was quiet and didn´t talk to me for a few hours. I let her cool down and then went to talk to her. I apologized for the way that I had told her and admitted that I should have waited to do it in a more official and proper way. To my surprise she thanked me and said that if I had done it any other way she probably wouldn´t have listened. She said it had never occurred to her how her actions were probably hurting me and the people we visit and said it hit home when I told her I considered these people equal to my family. We talked a lot after that and she said that she realized that she only came here to please her dad because he has always wanted a missionary in the family. Beyond that she doesn´t really have a motivation. I figured it was something like that. She told me she wanted to call President because a missionary can´t be here without a good reason for coming. I told her that she wasn´t going anywhere for another 5 weeks. haha. I assured her that even though her reason for coming may not have been the best, now is her chance to choose her reason to stay. She agreed to give it a chance and said, "I hope that I can get to the point that you are at now. Thank you for loving me enough to correct me and loving the people enough to defend them. Now all the little things you do for them makes sense." She gave me a hug and we went to bed. Today she was the one to wake me up. :)
I feel like love really has been the theme of this week. I have realized that more than anything else in my mission, I have learned to love. I have gained so much more compassion, trust, and charity for others. To become like Christ we have to stop thinking about ourselves because that is something He never did. We have to give all we have and all we are to help His children. That is why every day we buy juice from Erika because I know that she needs to money, and why I only have 4 skirts left because I have given them to members that only had 1, and why we visit the old lady by our house once a week without any expectation of her visiting church. I don´t say all of that to get recognition or say that we do so many awesome things or because I think I´m anywhere close to perfect, but rather to emphasize that love is something simple. It comes through the little things we choose to do daily. When we do those things we really do receive the blessings and other people can see the Savior in us.
I know this email is getting long but I want to share one more story...one of the blessings that I was able to see this week that came from trying to be a true representative of Christ. There is an old man that sits outside his house in the shade every day. As we pass I always wave and ask him how he is doing. This week when he noticed that Hermana Ruiz had left he asked why. I explained that she is in Santiago now and he promptly asked, "But you´re not going to leave very soon right?" I told him that I only had 6 more weeks here in the country. He started to cry and said, "Who will say hello to me every day? I am just a lonely old man with very little to live for but every day I know that you will pass by and smile and wave and ask me how I´m doing. It makes me feel important. I am not rich but if I had money I would throw you a going away party. Please don´t ever forget about me." I couldn´t help it and put my arm around him to comfort him. I was filled with such a feeling of love and compassion for this sweet man. It was such a wonderful testimony to me of the small and simple things. I have never had a real conversation with him or shared an official message but through my smiles and waves I was able to help him feel the Savior´s love and help him feel loved, wanted, and needed. I left feeling very humbled and grateful for the experience.
I hope you will all take the time to let others know you love them this week. It is through the little things we choose to do. Share a smile or a wave. Give without expecting anything in return. Challenge someone you care about to be better and then show forth an increase of love afterward. The results are incredible. I know that the Lord loves us. He knows us each individually and is taking care of us day after day. Share that love with someone else.
I love you all! Have a wonderful week!
Hermana Ewell
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